Why are trying so hard to fit in, when you’re born to stand out.
You carved your name into the bark of my heart.
Do you see why I had to cut off parts of me in order to grow again?
I knew I had problems, but I also knew I wasn’t crazy.
I’m done with those; regrets are an excuse for people who have failed.
Its so hard to talk when you want to kill yourself. That’s above and beyond everything else, and it’s not a mental complaint-it’s a physical thing, like it’s physically hard to open your mouth and make the words come out. They don’t come out smooth and in conjunction with your brain the way normal people’s words do; they come out in chunks as if from a crushed-ice dispenser; you stumble on them as they gather behind your lower lip. So you just keep quiet.
A triumph is that you woke up this morning and decided to live. That’s a triumph. That’s what you did today.
My mother always said
Suicide is the most selfish act
A person can commit.
When Ned Vizzini killed himself
I wanted to resuscitate him
And shake him by the shoulders.
I wanted to scream
Fuck you for leaving us like this,”
In his face
I gave his book to my friends
When they said they wanted to jump
Off buildings so high
They wouldn’t even feel
Hitting the pavement.
And I bet he didn’t
When he decided
To climb to the roof of that building
And launch himself off the top.
I used to prescribe his words
Like modern medicine.
But how can I continue to offer someone
The paperbacked best selling
Of a hypocrite?
We needed you,”
Rattles around my brain
Like an animal in a cage.
And then I realize
I never sent him a note,
A thank you.
I always meant to.
Maybe it wouldn’t have changed his mind,
But I still should have made the time to send
Who deserved it.
I realized then
I can’t be angry at a man
I’ve never met
For his sadness getting the best of him.
Ned Vizzini by Colleen Michele (thatstoomainstream)